i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize