idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I will be naked everywhere
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
