Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Drake has all the answers
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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