I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Girls should come with a carfax report
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
