before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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