I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
