You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am available for nakedness
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
