I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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