For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
