bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
