So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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