wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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