yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Banned from zoo.
Again?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize