i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
