god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
