He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize