Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
