I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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