I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
