Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
