pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
A+ Viking dick
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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