whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
