There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
