woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
