what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
