you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
