your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The adults are the big ones right?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
