My cat gives me a boner
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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