Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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