Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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