I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
