You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
