yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
where are my eyebrows?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize