I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
