Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
