Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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