Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
