i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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