Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize