I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
