just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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