We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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