Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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