Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
