ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
