Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I AM VODKA MAN
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
