ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
