I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
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