i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
