I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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