I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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