dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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