i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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