I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
