Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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