I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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