my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
