I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
