thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
