you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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