When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
