I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
