I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
