HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
