im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
