Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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