respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
