I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
