I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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