im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
