last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
