do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
