No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
This toilet bowl is my home.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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