what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
